Wednesday, August 25, 2004

late bloomer

I was 30 years old when I stopped going to school. That same week my son *started* school, so until this year, when my son moved in with his dad, I've been dealing with teachers for 36 years straight.

Don't tell me that doesn't just suck.

But, that's not what I was going to write about. Dealing with teachers and administrators for the modern urban school is worthy of it's own entry, and once the willies wear off, I'll put the strap of leather between my teeth and start to recall my own adventures with the people who say things like "62% of our school is gifted and talented"... * s h u d d e r *

What I was going to write about was that apparently I'm a late bloomer. Not only did I save my "real world" virginity until I was 30, in a week or so, when my barista moves out to take a job in a different city, I will be living on my own, for the first time... EVER.

Remember. I'm almost 40. I've never lived alone. EVER.

I immediately panicked, thinking, "oh, shit, all I'm going to do is eat Macaroni and Cheese (Kraft - it's the cheesiest) and watch Law & Order reruns..." Then I thought, "oh, shit, I'm going to be one of those people who buys all their food from the "prepared food" section at Whole Foods." Then, "oh, shit, how am I ever going to remember which day is recycling day?!?"

It took about 24 hours, but now I'm thinkin'... WHOO HOO!!! I get to eat Macaroni and Cheese and watch Law & Order reruns whenever the fuck I want to!!! WHOO HOOO!!!!!

Ok, I'm really not that excited about it, but I *am* trying not to be depressed and freaked out.

See, I don't like being alone. It's not that I dislike my own company, or I need someone else around to keep me company. I just know what some of my bad habits are, and being alone is just going to exacerbate them.

  • I will get addicted to several computer games and play them until all hours of the night.
  • On my "work from home" day, I will not leave my bed (because my cable reaches up the stairs) and probably not even shower.
  • I will never put away my laundry. It will go from the clean pile to the hamper.
  • I will start to talk to the dog. On the plus side, she'll be a happier dog.
  • I will seriously eat M&C a lot.
  • I will probably only leave my house when necessary.
  • I will probably never turn the tv off.
  • If I had cats again, I would probably be "that crazy lady with the cats and the loud tv."

I like having someone to live with. I think at this point it my life it would have to be someone I'm also sleeping with, or gave birth to, but I'm a pack animal. I like the company. I like having someone to push me out of my ruts. I like having someone I can wrap my arms around when I wake up from a bad dream... I like having someone to keep me vaguely socialized.

It's really sort of bumming me out.

On the other hand, apparently it's shocking to everyone I know that I've never gone through this rite of passage, and they've all told me that it's going to be good for me. "You'll get to walk around naked! Watch what you want! Fart at will!"

(I promise you that if I asked 100 men and 100 women what was great about living alone, only men would mention the farting thing. And I bet it would be more than one...)

My problem is that I know a lot of people who've gotten used to living alone, and all I can say to that is, "Crap. I don't want to end up like that." Rigid, crotchety, cranky... Shit. I'm already enough like that, I don't need to be annealed. I'd like to think that the living alone thing is not a permanent thing. That one day I'll be back to living with someone. I like the idea of waking up with someone who you'd kiss even before they brushed their teeth. This does not, by definition, include my dog.

But, it's not like I have a lot of choice in the matter. My son is in New Mexico. My boyfriend is soon to be in San Antonio.

So, there it is. I'm almost 40, and I'm about to live alone. Who knows. I'll probably cave and get a housemate eventually. $5 says it'll be a teacher...


Anonymous said...

I didn't realize you've never lived alone. I've lived alone for so long (apart from the one year with whatshername) that I get squeamish thinking about sharing living quarters with other humans. Cats are okay, though. Agh! Crazy old lady with cats!

I bet you'll figure something out. Maybe find a commune. Or found a commune. I've forgotten the technical term for thread merge, but I think I just did it. --Leisa

xiki said...

Like I said, I'm not sure I'm willing to make the concessions of living together with someone I'm not sharing dna with, either by fluid transfer, or by heredity.

Beyond all the cynicism and sarcasm, I'm truly a romantic, and have no problem compromising privacy for companionship with someone I want to lick.

I'm not actually sure that counts as "romance", but you get the idea...

Anonymous said...

Hmmm ... I don't think I've ever lived alone. With my family until college. After that, with roomates right up until Karen became my roomate. I suppose the longest I've lived alone would be the month in 2000 when Karen had moved to CA and we were finishing up the Williams project.

-- Andy